The SheldonPenny Equation
by imdrowninginfootwear
Summary: Sheldon needs a partner to reproduce with, guess who he goes to ask at four thrity a.m.? Find out what happens when Sheldon and Penny date. Or become Pelly. Precautionary T rating.
1. Wake Up Call

KNOCK-KNOCK!

"Penny!"

KNOCK-KNOCK!

"Penny!"

KNOCK-KNOCK!

"Penny!"

Penny walked to the door of her apartment in a daze.

She opened the door and asked, "What Sheldon, what could possibly be worth waking me up at four thirty in the morning for?"

"Actually its four thirty-three," Sheldon corrected her. "I couldn't sleep and I was just thinking about how if I don't have children my genius won't be passed on. And you're the only girl I know with whom I speak to on a regular basis. Plus we live close enough together that custody won't be a problem for young Shelly. And with your gene pool I figure we should start trying now so we can get a child who is true genius, before your body goes into menopause and-" He was cut off before he could finish his rant.

"Did you really come here to ask me to have a baby in the middle of the night?" Penny asked in awe.

"Oh heavens no," Sheldon responded. "I came to ask if you would like to go to dinner with me tonight, wasn't that clear?"

"Not really and what's all this talk about baby's then?" Penny asked.

"Well I do want genius children," Sheldon responded. "But mostly I've never asked anyone out before-"

Penny cut him off seeing that he was about to rant.

"Alright sweetie I'll go for dinner with you," Penny responded.

"What time should I come over?" Sheldon asked.

"Usually the girl goes to the guy's place, but since I'm the one driving come over at six," Penny said.

"Alright I will see you at six," Sheldon said as he turned towards his own apartment.

"Okay see you later," Penny said closing the door in confusion and exhaustion.

When Sheldon re-entered his apartment he found Leonard standing in the kitchen.

"Where were you?" Leonard asked curiously.

"Well this is awkward," Sheldon said.

"What's awkward?" Leonard asked.

"Well you asked me where I was," Sheldon began to explain. "Which is awkward because I was just over at Penny's asking her out. Isn't it typically awkward when one friend asks another friend's dream girl who they have been obsessing over for years out?"

"What? You what?" Leonard asked.

"See awkward," Sheldon responded.

"Why?" Leonard asked.

"Well if you bring it down to science she is a perfect candidate to have children with. She's attractive, located right across the hall; I talk to her on a daily basis. Plus if we start seeing each other now we can produce at least one smart baby before she deals with menopause," Sheldon said casually.

"You realize that we're talking about a human right?" Leonard asked.

"Yes, if Penny were a robot then she wouldn't be so moody," Sheldon responded.

"And what did she say?" Leonard asked.

"Well at first she was confused; I don't know why I explained in simple words. But once I explained it to her she agreed, I'm meeting her at six to go out for dinner," Sheldon said.

"And why didn't you tell me about this first?" Leonard asked.

"Because I knew that you would react in this fashion. Now if you'll excuse me you're cutting into my sleep cycle. I don't want to be tired for getting to know my baby mama better. I'm going back to bed," Sheldon said before exiting the room towards his bedroom.

Leonard stood still in shock.

"Sheldon and Penny, Sheldon using the term 'baby mama', I must be asleep, it has to be a nightmare," Leonard said to himself as headed back towards his own bedroom. "What would their couple name be anyways? Pelly, that's ridiculous!"

* * *

**A/N: Hope you like this! This is just a quick prologue, the actual date will come soon! Please review if you like this and I'll be more likely to update quickly. Thanks for reading! Sorry this chapter is so short, upcoming ones will be longer. :D**


	2. Breaking the Ice

"I had the weirdest nightmare last night," Leonard said as he walked into his kitchen. Sheldon, Howard, and Raj were all sitting in the living room watching TV.

"Did it involve you, Raj, and I having a threesome?" Walowitz asked.

"Ew . . . no," Leonard responded

"Well then we did not have the same dream last night," Howard said as if it were perfectly normal to have sex dreams about his friends.

"Well how come I'm always left out of this sort of thing? Do you not find me attractive?" Sheldon asked hurt.

"You were in my nightmare," Leonard mumbled under his breath. "And Penny found you attractive."

"Oh, so it was a different threesome," Raj said winking suggestively.

"No it was not a threesome," Leonard argued angrily. "Sheldon went and asked Penny out at four in the morning and she said yes, clearly it was a dream."

"No kidding, Penny would never agree," Walowitz laughed. "Especially when she could have me."

"Actually for your information that wasn't a dream, I'm taking her out for dinner tonight," Sheldon informed them matter-of-factly.

There was a long pause before Sheldon began to speak again. "I wonder where I should take her tonight. . . I'd better go Google the typical dating customs."

He walked over to his laptop and sat down at his desk chair.

"Did that really just happen?" Asked Rajesh.

"I don't know," Said Howard. "What do you think Leonard-"

Howard stopped speaking when he noticed that Leonard was lying on the ground unconscious.

Rajesh quickly got up and ran to the kitchen and grabbed some Darth Vader shaped ice out of the special ice cube tray Leonard had given Sheldon for his last birthday.

He then ran back over and stuck the ice down Leonard's pants.

Leonard instantly woke up and began screaming.

He ran to his room to fish the ice out of his pants and Howard instinctively ran after him.

Luckily Leonard noticed in time and slammed the door in Howard's face before removing the ice.

When the door slammed Howard came back to his senses and rushed back into the living room.

"Wow I didn't find the news to be that shocking," Sheldon commented from his desk.

"Dude why did you follow him?" Raj asked concerned.

"Dude," Leonard mocked walking into the room. "Why did you stick the ice down my pants instead of my shirt?"

"I don't know I was scared!" Raj yelled. "There was a lot of pressure."

"Is this what your dream was like Howard?" Sheldon asked casually.

"It's actually surprisingly close," The man commented with a shrug.

He then was hit in the face with Leonard's crotch ice.

He ran into the kitchen, grabbed a pile of ice and joined the ice fight.

"Fools," Sheldon said to himself as he went back to his 'Wiki how to date in junior high' article.

There was a loud knocking at the door hours later.

KNOCK-KNOCK

"Sheldon!"

KNOCK-KNOCK

"Sheldon!"

KNOCK-KNOCK

"Sheldon!"

Sheldon walked over to the door and knocked on it three times, each followed with the word 'Penny!'

When he opened the door Penny was rolling her eyes.

"I like the new knock," Sheldon said timidly.

"Oh my god!" Penny said when she saw how wet the floor was. "Are you guys having water damage or something!"

"Nope," Said Sheldon.

. . .

"Then what happened?" Penny asked in a 'why aren't you saying anything' tone.

"These idiots had a Darth Vader ice fight," Sheldon explained with a shrug.

"Okay, that would explain it," She said pretending to understand.

"Oh and by the way Penny, the custom you told me about earlier," Sheldon began to say.

"What custom?" Penny asked.

"The one where the girl goes over to the guys place," Sheldon responded.

"Yeah . . . what about it?" Penny asked.

"Well I've been doing research and it turns out that typically the man goes to the woman's house," Sheldon explained.

"Oh my god what kind of jerks have I been dating?" Penny asked herself.

"The buff kind," Sheldon told her.

"I guess its good you're coming to my place then. Anyways the reason I came over here is I'm just going to go for my shower and I was wondering if I should dress casually or fancy," Penny explained.

"Your usual clothes should work fine," Sheldon responded. "I'll see you at six."

"Bye," She said closing the door.

Before anyone could say anything Howard was standing up on the couch.

"Howard stop standing on my spot!" Sheldon panicked.

"Fine," Howard said stepping off of the couch, walking around Raj who was sitting in the middle seat, and stood on his own seat.

He held a dramatic pause before yelling out, "Penny . . . what the hell is her last name? Anyways Penny . . . let's say Bavinski . . . is currently showering in the apartment across the hall! Anyone who can take this video camera-" He pulled a camcorder out of his pocket and held it up. "And get me a video of her showering I will give one thousand dollars!"

"Deal!" Raj agreed excitedly grabbing the camera from his friend's hands.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, I've been busy with school and Christmas stuff. Please review and thanks to all of those who reviewed, favourite, and story alerted, this chap is dedicated to you! I'll try to get the next chapter up before Christmas or on it! Thanks to all of my readers, hope you liked this! Next chapter will be with the camera and the date, keep tuned!**


	3. No Flash Photography

_Anyone who can take this video camera-" He pulled a camcorder out of his pocket and held it up. "And get me a video of her showering I will give one thousand dollars!"_

_"Deal!" Raj agreed excitedly grabbing the camera from his friend's hands._

"Don't get caught, and if you do don't blame me," Howard warned his foreign friend.

Raj excitedly began to walk towards the door before he was interrupted by a different voice.

"According to the research I've been doing it is an unspoken social code that you do not let your friends see your girlfriend naked, although you can describe her body in detail behind her back," Sheldon piped up from his computer chair.

"Yeah, Penny's our friend, we shouldn't do this to her," Leonard agreed. ". . . . Wait did you say girlfriend?"

"I'll let you see the tape," Howard told Leonard.

"Okay, carry on," Leonard quickly responded.

Raj turned towards the door only to once again be interrupted.

"Well hold on, I personally have no interest in seeing such a video, plus I have already seen Penny in the shower when she dislocated her shoulder," Sheldon argued. "So therefore you are not permitted to videotape her."

"Dude, bros before hoes," Raj whined at the roommate of his friend.

"What does that mean?" Sheldon asked totally puzzled.

"Urban dictionary it man," Raj replied, when he saw that Sheldon did not understand that either he pulled the webpage for him.

"The unwritten law that your bros (male friends) should always become before hoes (female with whom you are/hoping to have a relationship with)," Sheldon read aloud. "Well I guess its settled then, run young Rajesh run!"

Everyone stared at Sheldon wondering why he was calling Raj 'young Rajesh.'

"That's not how normal people talk to each other, drat the internet lies again," Sheldon said to himself.

"Hurry up, she won't shower all day long," Howard said, "But she will when I get my hands on her!"

With that Raj finally exited the room and tiptoed across the hallway. He grasped the doorknob of Penny's apartment and slowly, ever so carefully turned it. He opened the door as quietly as he could, then snuck into Penny's room delighted to hear the shower running.

He turned towards the bathroom, but noticed to late that the door was already open. He supplied a slight and sheepish wave, then tried to turn around to run.

Penny walked across the room, fully-clothed, and grabbed onto Raj's shoulder pulling him back.

"What do you think you're doing?" She asked angrily.

Raj shrugged, knowing that he could not talk to the woman standing before him.

Suddenly Penny noticed the video camera in Raj's left hand.

"You came to video tape me! Did Walowitz put you up to this?" Penny asked.

Raj nodded sadly, before he was escorted back across the hall.

Howard Wolowitz was still standing on the couch when he saw the door open.

"You got the video right? Let's watch it right-" He was cut off when he saw Penny enter the room with Raj.

"Why don't you finish your sentence Howard?" Penny asked through gritted teeth.

"I'd rather not," Howard said sadly sitting back on the couch. "Did he get any video though?"

Penny slapped him before responding, "No I wasn't even in the shower yet, I'd just turned it on. I was fully clothed."

"Why hadn't you at least been in the shower by now you were gone for a while before Raj headed over," Leonard stated.

"I had to pick out my outfit before hand, duh!" Penny explained as if it were obvious.

The four men just stared at her confused.

"I'm going for my shower, you aren't getting your camera back until after," Pennysaid walking toward the door. "Oh yeah and don't sneak into my apartment or I'll kill you. And because I know Wolowitz won't listen to me anyways-"

Penny then turned around towards the group of men and lifted the front of her top flashing the men.

"Now you can think about that instead of watching me shower," Penny said.

An evil grin spread across Howard's face.

"Not like that," Penny said suddenly pissed off, "That should hold you for now."

With that Penny turned and left the apartment.

"Did that really just happen?" Asked Leonard.

"If you mean Penny purposely pulling her top up to expose her breasts to us then yes," Sheldon said calmly as he typed something into his laptop.

A while later it was time for Sheldon to go pick Penny up. He walked across the hall and knocked on the door.

He forced himself to knock only once without saying Penny out of fear of ruining their date before it started.

Penny opened the door and when she saw who it was her jaw dropped open.

"You knocked like a normal human being," She said excitedly as she hugged him.

Sheldon stood perfectly still and responded, "You're wearing a bathrobe."

"Well yeah, I'm not quite ready to go yet, just sit on the couch, I'll go get dressed," Penny responded.

Sheldon stood frozen outside the apartment even though Penny entered and motioned for him to follow.

"But its 6:00, 6:01 now," Sheldon said confused. "You said I should be here at 6:00, its after 6:00 Penny."

"Just sit down sweetie, I'll be out in a minute," Penny sighed.

Sheldon did as he was told and Penny left to go get dressed.

She came back a few minutes later wearing a denim mini-skirt and a pink tanktop, with matching pink heels.

"That was more than a minute," Sheldon said before Penny came into his line of vision.

When he caught sight of her he scoffed out, "What corner are you working tonight?" sarcastically.

"Sheldon!" Penny said starting to cry and running back into her room.

"I'm sorry is that not the social protocol?" He yelled through the door. "You look like a high end hooker at least! And besides, did you hear how I used sarcasm?"

Penny's sobs became louder as she ripped her clothes off and walked into her bathroom to try and save her mascara.

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to update. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review! Will the date end here? Will Penny forgive Sheldon? Find out in the next chapter which will hopefully be up soon!**


	4. Stripper Cleavage, a Polite Dinner Topic

Sheldon Cooper hesitated for a split second before deciding to enter the room after Penny.

"Go away Sheldon!" Penny yelled from the open-doored washroom where she was desperately trying to fix her make-up.

"But Penny I have to comfort you, would you like a hot beverage?" Sheldon asked kindly.

"No Sheldon, I would not like a hot beverage! What I would like is to not have excepted your invitation to this date!" Penny yelled as she stormed over to her closet.

Sheldon made a quick decision and stopped Penny by grabbing her shoulders and spinning her around to face him.

"Just let go," She said angrily trying to pull away, but Sheldon's grip didn't budge.

"Look Penny, honestly you are the person I don't know how to behave around the most. I know how I feel about you, even if my powerful mind can't understand why. When I'm around you my brain doesn't know how to react, so I get nervous and treat you poorly. I guess what I'm trying to say is . . ." He shoked on the end of his rant. "I'm sorry."

"Did _the_ Sheldon Cooper just apologize?" Penny said in awe, a smile returning to her face.

"Don't get used to it, even Leonard hasn't gotten one yet," Sheldon warned before asking, "So are we still going? Because I made reservations-"

He was cut off by Penny saying, "Wait in the living room, I'll be out in a minute. . . a _few_ minutes."

A short amount of time later Penny came out with her make-up perfect and slightly less revealing clothes.

"You look great," Sheldon commented remembering his research.

"I like your shirt too," Penny commented about the baby blue shirt he was wearing with the words 'Pi For Dessert' written across.

Sheldon bit his tongue, barely able to resist the urge of ranting and simply said, "Thanks."

When the pair reached the bottom of the stairs they saw a limo sitting outside the door.

"Wow, I wonder who that's for," Penny said in wonder.

"Its for us, Leonard told me that its customary that the man supplies a limo if he doesn't have a car," Sheldon said matter-of-factly.

"Oh sweetie, Leonard lied . . . a lot," Penny said trying not to laugh as Sheldon walked towards the limo.

"We may as well use this limo seems as I paid for it already," Sheldon said.

A few minutes later they arrived at their destination, The Cheesecake Factory.

"You brought me on a date in a limo to the restaurant I work at?" Penny asked confused.

"Well I knew that we both eat here . . ." Sheldon replied sheepishly, Penny just laughed.

"I work here and I didn't even know that we take reservations," Penny commented as they sat down.

Sheldon fought back the comment 'that proves how incompetent at your job you really are,' but couldn't think of anything to say other than, "You see that lady over there holding money in her mouth? Do you know how many germs she is going to get? Money goes everywhere. . . the floor, in strippers' cleavage, other peoples' mouths; its disgusting."

All eyes were on Sheldon now.

"Honey this is a family restaurant, it isn't really the place to talk about strippers and cleavage," Penny whispered.

"Actually I was talking about strippers' cleavage, its one topic," Sheldon said not embarrassed.

**A/N: Sorry this took a while to update, I had the first half written the day after the last update, but I didn't know how to write the date. I hope you liked it, please review. I'll try to get the next chap up soon. **


	5. Opening Up, Not Like That

"Honey lets get out of here, I think that maybe you would be comfortable somewhere a little less date-like," Penny suggested avoiding the stares that were coming their way.

"I don't think so, I had already planned this entire outing and eating now and here was part of the plan. Penny if everybody had gone off plan and given up because people thought they were weird then the world would be missing a lot of its common technology!" Sheldon said beginning to hyperventilate.

"Well its just-" Penny began.

"No, if we go off plan then we could be caught in a mugging somewhere else due to having left. I'm too young and too smart to die! Oh god, what if they take credit for my work?" Sheldon panicked.

"Sheldon you aren't going to die from going somewhere else. But on the other hand you will die from staying," Penny tried to reason.

"How so?" He asked puzzled.

"I'll kill you! I have to work here tomorrow; do you know how embarrassing this is?" Penny threatened.

"Fairly?" Sheldon guessed.

Penny then grabbed his hand off the table and physically dragged him out of the restaurant.

"You stretched the sleeve! This is a limited edition t-shirt!" Sheldon squealed when they got back outside.

"I don't care, you could have got me fired there Sheldon!" Penny glared.

"I guess we'd better call the limo driver now," Sheldon said ignoring the woman beside him.

"No, we're walking," Penny told him. "And I'm choosing where," She added at the end.

"Why that's preposterous when there is a limo just waiting for us!" Sheldon argued.

"I don't give a damn," Penny said. "And seriously a limo? Its a little much, especially for a first date."

"Fine," Sheldon said grumpily following her as she began to walk down the sidewalk.

A cat skittered past them and ran down into an alley.

"Did you know that the biggest breed of domesticated cats are the Maine Coone cats which can weigh up to 11 kilograms. That's 24.2 pounds!" Sheldon said excitedly.

"How do you know all this?" Penny asked genuinely confused. "I wish I could know what goes on in the mind of Sheldon Cooper."

"Its not as fun as one might think you know. I mean everyone considers me an outcast, a wierdo. Even my fellow socially-impaired colleagues," Sheldon replied solemnly.

"Aww honey, sure you're a little bit different. . . and yeah it can be a little annoying at times. But that's part of your charm. And I know that you don't just want to get me drunk to get in my pants, then leave. Unlike most of my exes," Penny told him.

"Alcohol doesn't actually kill your brain cells at least," Sheldon offered.

"We're here," Penny told him.

"The park?" Sheldon asked skeptically.

"Yeah, let's just get a hotdog or something" Penny suggested.

"Oh no, I am not going anywhere near hotdogs. I know what they are made of!" Sheldon yelled.

"Fine, then just get a burger or fries," Penny suggested.

Just as Sheldon was about to respond a hooded man jumped out of the trees and pointed a gun at them.

"Give me all your money and valuables and no one has to get hurt," The man demanded.

"Told you so," Sheldon whispered to Penny.

"Shut the hell up!" The man yelled shaking his gun at the poor genius.

Sheldon went to go remove his shirt and Penny sacked the gun man, hard.

He fell to the ground and she quickly grabbed the gun that he had dropped and pointed it at him.

"Get out of here now, while I'm still feeling generous!" She ordered the man.

He quickly ran away and she put the gun in her purse.

"We'd better go to the police station," Sheldon suggested.

* * *

**A/N: Please read and review! I'm sorry this chapter is so short and that it took so long for me to update, but I didn't know where to go with the date. I'll try and have the next chapter up soon.**


End file.
